My Son Shine – Reduction

Son Shine

His smile
a thousand rays of sunshine

His laugh
a hundred birds singing

His dancing
a silly smile and laugh

His curiosity
a hundred cats

His temper
a howling hurricane

Sweet, silly, stubborn, bold
is he

The Meeting the Bar prompt at dVerse Poets Pub today offered choices. My initial thought was that the Oulipo option was perfect for the Terza Rima / Hebrew Acrostic I’m working on because I enjoy working with forms and combining them. And I may finish that in time to post to Mr. Linky for this prompt, but I may not. So I decided to take one of my older poems and respond to the Reduction option. The original poem titled “My Son Shine” is here if you want to compare.

I am a Jesus Freak, and I don't care who knows it. I am a wife, mother, sister, aunt, daughter, and friend. My blood family is only part of the larger family of Christ that I belong to. I love to write, especially about my dear Savior.


19 Responses

  1. smiles. you love of your son shines through this…
    i like that you include the temper because we can appreciate
    all aspects of our child…even the more challenging…ha

  2. Well, as a mother of two sons myself, you can imagine I enjoyed both the original and the reduced poem very much indeed! Delightful images – I think the newer, shorter version gives more space for the reader to fill in with their own experience and thoughts.

  3. I enjoyed the singsong rhyme of the original and the strength of your reduction. They both work well. I think the reduction does allow the poem a depth of metaphor that the original precluded with its specificity. If you do the Terza Rima, I’ll visit again.

  4. Excellent. I like that each stanza shares a different characteristic up until the last stanza which summarizes & made me smile. And I like the form over all.

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