Faith and Surrender Just Out of Reach
Tomorrow I am going to the Rock and Worship Roadshow with MercyMe and Jars of Clay! I’m so excited, and I don’t have to wait in line hoping I get in because we got VIP tickets in the Jars of Clay section. A couple of weeks ago I bought two Jars of Clay CDs so that I could learn some more of their music besides their Redemption Songs CD, which is all old hymns.
Yesterday the song “Two Hands” caught my attention. The first verse and chorus are:
I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind
I use one hand to pull You closer
The other to push You away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high
I realized that this 
song describes me, using one hand to pull God closer, and the other hand to maybe not exactly push Him away but at least to keep Him at bay. I was reminded of my third post on this blog. It was an article titled “Deep Water Faith in the Shallow End” based on a song by Casting Crowns. It’s been almost a year and a half since I wrote that post, and I feel like I’m still standing in the shallow end. Okay, maybe I’ve moved out to waist deep, but the deep water is still out of reach. The ability to walk on water so that depth is no longer an issue has not come. I know it’s possible.
I’ve seen what faith and surrender can do, yet it is just beyond the hand that wants to keep Him at arm’s length. I can see Faith (the kind with a capital F, maybe it is all caps, I’m not sure) but as a shadow I am grasping for; it is just out of reach.
When I look back ten years, or even just five, I can see a big change in my faith. I’ve grown closer to God and I am not the person I was. I have much less fear and I trust more. But as I ponder ten years from now, I wonder if I will be able to look back and see the same degree of change. Will my faith be stronger still? Will fear be entirely a thing of the past? Will I trust fully and completely?
Life is a series of hills to climb and plateaus to cross. I feel like I’m standing at the bottom of the next huge hill, but instead of climbing I keep pacing back and forth on the plateau below. I pace and look at the Church around me, concerned about the state of the Church as a whole, about errors in teaching that I see coming from those who are called pastor. I see the rise of Universalism and point to that as a problem of great concern.
But then I realize, He is not calling His Church to draw closer to Him; He is calling each individual soul to a deeper relationship. Only when individuals grasp Faith will the Church be closer to Him. Only when individuals surrender completely to His Truth will the Church surrender and be healed.
If I had two hands doing the same thing, always doing the same thing, praising Him and pulling Him closer, I could grasp the Faith and Surrender that seem just out of reach.
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Another great post — 2 hands in harmony! This morning I had a great time in the church looking at my youngest daughter joyfully raising her 2 hands in praise to God! And I’m thinking, when did I start multi-tasking that my body parts are not synchronized even in honoring and praising God? Got to talk to self and spirit about this 🙂
Rea, Watching kids worship is so awesome! If only we could all worship like them all the time. In the church I attend not too many people raise their hands above their heads in worship. It’s just not the Lutheran thing to do. But I’ll be doing a lot of that tonight at the concer! I remember the last time I saw MercyMe and they sang “Undone” I was in the 4th row with my hands raised HIGH! “To the cross I run, holding high my chains undone. I’m finally free, free to be what I’ve become. Undone.” I hope they sing that again tonight! Peace, Linda
Thank you, Linda
“He is calling each individual soul to a deeper relationship …”
This is a very deep post and I believe the line above sums up so much! We all need to catch a hold of the same vision and run it with like there’s not tomorrow….
He’ll be here soon. I’m excited to know He could come to my generation but I know there’s still so much I can do for Him.
Thanks for the poke. I read your post and Phillips Craig and Dean flew to my mind. Praying that as worshippers we will hear His voice and respond.
Blessings
ann
Ann, Thank you so much for adding that video. I have not heard that song before. He is calling each of us as individuals, and I find I need to keep my focus on Him and my relationship with Him, and not on what others are doing. Glad my own introspection could serve as a poke to someone else to draw closer to Him, too. 🙂 Peace, Linda
I wish I knew what to say to this. Thank you for your honesty and your challenge to yourself and us . . .to use both hands to do the same thing. I think there is always a deeper place to go with Him, a closer to get, a next level to climb to. I truly believe that you will look back and see just as many changes in ten years time, if not even more.
God bless you Linda, as you point us to Jesus over and over again. Have a great and wonderful time at the concert!!!
Deb, If I desire to be closer, to climb the next hill, I know He will be faithful to help me. This was really just my way of stating that desire, of putting it down on paper. I do know that I’m no longer standing in the shallow end, but still long for the joy of deep water faith. Thank you for your encouragement! I can always count on you for a positive comment. 🙂 As for the concert, I know it will be awesome. I’m planning on posting about it on Monday! Peace, Linda