I wrote the first part of this poem in July 1996 in my journal. I was looking back at some of my old poetry, most of which is quite depressing. Not surprising since I was quite depressed at the time I wrote it.
But as I read over this poem, I realized that it was not finished. I am no longer in that place “outside square one.” I decided it was time to finish the poem.
The part of the poem in red was written in 1996. The part of the poem in blue I wrote this past weekend, though the events that the latter part is based on happened many years ago.
Outside Square One
Here I stand outside square one
With my back to it, I want to run
Square two is where I want to be
It’s full of happiness and security
But I cannot reach square two
By standing here outside square one
With my back turned to it
What if I take the wrong path?
Travel through square one
To a square less than none?
What if I end up in a place
Where I can’t even see square one?
Where only sadness and insecurity reside
Where I feel lost and empty inside?
Will I find my way back here
To stand outside square one?
Full of fear to step inside
Wanting only to run?
Could I see in, step in
And follow the narrow path to square two?
The path is clear from one to two
And on beyond to a square
The square where I truly want to be
Where hope and faith, love and joy
Will never leave me
And I no longer want to run
I am in the presence of the Son,
My Father, and the Holy One