Afternoon Observations

Today I’m going to try my hand at a haibun. I read one that Bjorn wrote the other day, and he pointed me to the dVerse Poets Pub post about this poetry form that I missed last year. I’ve been wanting to try one ever since. My Poetry Dictionary says that this form can have more than one haiku as long as there is one at the end. Mine includes three haiku.

Afternoon Observations

The sun shone brightly on my back deck. Just me, my Kindle, a notebook, a green ink pen, and a bottle of water—thought I’d read a little 1st John, maybe write some poetry. A slight breeze wafts the scent of lavender from the garden. It’s peaceful. Then the backdoor opens and I’m joined by my son—and his cat. He’s been relegated to being an indoor cat because he once got himself stuck 40 feet in a fir tree, and didn’t learn his lesson. If I had my druthers, the cat would stay inside, but my son feels sorry for him and wants to let him roam the yard a bit, even if he must be supervised. And close supervision is essential.

Up, up, up he climbs
Stupid cat can’t help himself
Rescued just in time

My son isn’t quick enough to stop him. So he has to climb the tree—in Birkenstocks—after the cat, who won’t let go of the branch he’s clinging to. Finally, the cat is in hand and handed down to me. Back into the house they go. My peacefulness returns—the breeze blows gently, the sun beats down on my shoulders—but it doesn’t last.

Caw, caw, caw the crows
Expressing their discontent
Keep song birds away

I don’t know why they have to be so noisy. They woke me earlier this morning and now they’re disturbing my relaxing time on the deck. They make me feel a bit discontent myself. But at last they move on to another neighborhood to disturb the occupants of a different deck. Peacefulness returns again. I close my eyes and soak in the sound of songbirds tweeting and twittering. I love the warmth of the sun. I open my eyes and survey the many flowers we’ve planted—bright purple petunias, fragrant lavender, blue lobelia, salvia just beginning to bud, brilliant yellow snap dragons, perfectly pink carnations and zinnias.

Daisies, alyssum
White flowers of the garden
Bees drawn to color

I am a Jesus Freak, and I don't care who knows it. I am a wife, mother, sister, aunt, daughter, and friend. My blood family is only part of the larger family of Christ that I belong to. I love to write, especially about my dear Savior.


44 Responses

  1. A great story transpired into a haibun, which made for some fun reading. The breaks with haiku really make you pause to reflect. A few years ago, some crows moved into our neighborhood. They definitely like to make themselves known..

    • Thanks. If you found the interjected haiku jarring, then I succeeded in what I was trying to convey add the subjects of those haiku jarred me from my peaceful time on the deck. Peace, Linda

  2. Dream of the feral cat inside outside
    or indoor cat.. is to breathe it all
    in.. climb and spin around
    in cat tail dreams
    among the
    leaves of
    grass and sandy
    hills of Summer delight…
    Oh to lay inside can be a sad
    cat way of life.. but getting fed
    is always the incentive that strays
    the call of the wild in whiskers of free..;)

  3. Oh, that was fun to read, especially your ‘untrustworthy’ cat getting stuck in a tree…
    Sounds peaceful and your haiku grounded the observations which were drifting off into a cosy afternoon daydream…

  4. This was the first haibun I’ve ever read. Definitely pleasant and bouncy in a way, kind of had the dynamic of a bitesized musical with the haiku ‘pauses’ for thought so to speak. Thank you for the experience 🙂

  5. Nice haibun specially the last one about the birds, flowers and bees ~ One thing I enjoy about summer are the blooming colors, along with birdsongs ~

  6. Linda, this was a great read and I really enjoyed traveling with you through these everyday moments. The haibun form and haiku was superbly done. I especially liked the capstone observations for each stanze — makes me feel as if I am talking to my neighbor! thank you, joanie

    • I’ve only been to NYC once in Aug for a 2 week vacation. I do not envy you. Two weeks was almost more than I could take. I prefer raucous crows over the noise of the city any day.

      • Awww. I love this city. It’s gorgeous. We’re just getting some rain today. It isn’t for everyone though.

      • Granted, I was there the first two weeks of August and it was 95+ degrees every day. But it was the constant noise that got to me. I’m glad I visited, and even climbed to the crown of the Statue of Liberty, but I couldn’t live there.

      • It’s not noisy all over. We have quiet neighborhoods here. Manhattan is the hub so of course it’s loud, but you can find quiet living.

  7. Really enjoyed your haibun and I found myself nodding in agreement about the disturbance in peace 🙂 Every morning the birds start their chatter around 5am lol

  8. I feel as if I was right with you in this poem, Toni. Good thing your son was able to rescue the cat, but climbing a tree in Birkenstocks certainly was no picnic! I like the way you expressed the annoyance of the crows. Really irritating how they keep birds (with more pleasant songs) at bay!

  9. Excellent first haibun! the two interrupting poems are good but the last traditional haiku is gorgeous. Good rhythm and feel in this. thanks for taking us on this adventure on the deck with you and glad you got that peace.

  10. A sterling Haibun you have spun for us. I like the 3 haiku capstones for each prose stanza. I believe that a modern Haibun can take off myriads of directions. I have been favoring them a lot with my work, opening & closing with haiku, with interspersed lunes & tanka, & shaped lines, & open spaces. Bjorn, just today, used American Sentences for his frame poetics.

  11. I like how you brought me straight there to the patio, the haiku providing the breaks between your keen eye observing.. almost like interruptions they add depth to your prose, just like it had been a longer piece.

  12. Nice nature touches in this. Your cat made me chuckle. Mine is an indoor/outdoor cat – we rescued him from an old shed, so covered in fleas. He was tiny. Not so much anymore. I hate to think of where he gets to when we let him out. He always shows back up though. Glad you found your moment of peace.

    • Our cat can’t be trusted outdoors. Our old cat was indoor/outdoor and it worked just fine. He seemed to know how to hold his own. This one is just too stupid. But very handsome.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: