I’m Fine?
At level 3 or 4 on the pain scale
you can ignore the pain
most of the time
Until it’s no longer a 4
but a 5 or a 6 instead
As I fight to ignore the neck pain
the referred arm pain
all the other little aches and pains
Living on Advil and Flexeril
with a heating pad around my neck
I hear the echo in my mind
—That doesn’t hurt
—You’re fine
I heard those phrases often as a child
they’ve become a part of me
Instead of hearing this refrain
in my mom’s voice or an aunt’s voice
it’s my own voice that insists it doesn’t hurt
that I’m fine
But it does hurt
I’m not fine
And ignoring the pain is exhausting
Thankfully my doctor gets it
Her assistant gets it
—Your 3 is probably someone else’s 8
Those are words that heal
Maybe not my body
It will never be fully healed
But my soul
And that incessant voice
telling me to just keep ignoring it
Because of them I am fine
knowing it’s okay to be not fine
And it’s okay to ask for help
to seek treatment
Then I can go on living my life
with a reprieve from the pain
and that annoying voice
I can definitely relate to this. I heard the same things as a child. I don’t have a doctor who gets it. But I have a husband who does. 🙂 I wish you peace and blessings, and less pain!
It took awhile to find her, but my pain specialist is great.