A Heart Like Mine

Praise and thanksgiving
for my good deeds
can quite easily lead
to thinking I’m good enough
all on my own
I don’t need God’s mercy

Comparing myself
to the evil all around me
can inflate my self-esteem
just the same

But when I peel back
the layers of my heart
Peer at what’s beneath
the kindness and goodness
that on the surface reside
I see a different story

I see petty jealousy
that another should have
an opportunity for rest
that I feel I’ve been denied

Another layer and I see
anger and unforgiveness
over a recurring transgression
even though Jesus commanded
I forgive to infinity

Another layer and I see
bitterness and frustration
towards those I claim to love
Yet I hold onto this
record of wrongs
revisiting each transgression
to fuel the fire of indignation

And I see doubt
that God will ever answer
my prayers for change
my prayers for healing
I see impatience
quickness to anger

I see a heart
that wants to be
consoled with food—cookies and chips
with entertainment distractions
and all those things
that do my body and soul
no earthly or heavenly good

As I peel back the layers
I see a heart in desperate need
of a Savior and of mercy
and I wonder at His patience
with a heart that’s prone to wander
I wonder at His grace
and delay of justice
for a heart like mine