Haunted by His Mercy

I mentioned a couple of times last week that I went to Fish Fest with my friend A and saw Third Day, my favorite Christian band. When we arrived at the concert, the band Above the Golden State was playing. I had never heard of them, but they sounded pretty good as we walked around checking out the food and other vendor booths. They ended their set with a wonderful rendition of “I’ll Fly Away,” one of my favorite old hymns.

I decided right then I wanted to check out their CD and see if they had recorded it. Unfortunately, their CD didn’t have “I’ll Fly Away,” but it was only $10 so I thought I’d give it a try. I am so glad I did because I love it!

The first time I listened to the CD was at work while I was doing something that didn’t take a lot of focused thought, but had to be done. I hardly ever listen to music at work, but this was one of those rare opportunities when I could. I was quite enjoying the CD playing in the background but wasn’t really paying attention to the lyrics, until the eleventh song came on. It has become my favorite song on the CD and is called “The Haunting.”

The line that first caught my attention was “Your mercy haunts me every night / In a dream.” Then I listened closer to all the lyrics and was enthralled by how wonderfully it was written. For the past few days it has been running through my head often.

I love how this song captures the feelings Peter must have had as he stood just a “stone’s throw away” from Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. It never really occurred to me that Peter, James, and John saw Jesus’ agony and heard His plea to the Father to take His cup of suffering from Him. They were right there, witnesses to the beginning of His passion.

All He asked was that they stay there and pray, and they wanted to, but they were so tired. They just couldn’t keep awake. I thought of all the times He has asked me to pray, when I have known that prayer was so important in the face of some trial, but I was so tired I simply fell asleep instead.

For Peter, the outcome of his failure to pray was that he denied Christ because his flesh was weak and fear overtook him. “This man is not my friend,” he said. He knew it was a lie, because the mercy of Jesus haunted him. Yet three times the denial came, just as Jesus had predicted. Those nights after the crucifixion, the mercy of Jesus must truly have haunted Peter’s dreams.

I think back on my own life wondering what weaknesses and fears have overtaken me because I failed to pray, choosing sleep instead. Were there times I should have stood up and claimed Jesus as my Lord and Savior, even as my friend, but did not? Perhaps, even if only by my silence when boldness escaped me. Then I remember that it doesn’t matter. Just as Jesus kept asking Peter for his loyalty – “Peter, do you love Me?” – and restored Peter for each denial, He has restored me. And I know I will follow Him until I reach the end. I would be lost without Him.

I am a Jesus Freak, and I don't care who knows it. I am a wife, mother, sister, aunt, daughter, and friend. My blood family is only part of the larger family of Christ that I belong to. I love to write, especially about my dear Savior.


8 Responses

  1. That’s a wonderful song. Love it . . .and now I understand the name of the band too. Thank you! I’m thinking that they played a song of theirs on the radio here for awhile . . .but I can’t remember the title of it.
    The idea of this song, of His mercy haunting us, is going to stay with me. I love how you ended this too . . .knowing that it’s okay. You are with Him forever.
    God bless you and your love of Him!

    • Deb, It’s strange how I just can’t get this song out of my head, even though I’ve listened to other music since I last heard it. The rest of the CD is really good, too, but this one song just really spoke to me. The other line I love is “I’ll love you til the end.” I know I love Him because He first loved me, and that’s the way it should be. What a wonderful Savior! Peace and mercy, my dear friend.

  2. Thanks, Linda.
    Never heard of this band before. Thanks for the intro. Will check them out some more too.
    The theme of redemption and restoration seems to be haunting me lately…
    I’m chewing!

    • Ann, You know eventually you have to stop chewing and swallow. 😉

      This band is from Oregon, so I’m surprised I hadn’t heard them before, but I don’t listen to the radio so that is probably why they were new to me. The whole CD is very good and I’m glad I forked out the $10. Peace, Linda

  3. Great line, yes, haunting: Were there times I should have stood up and claimed Jesus as my Lord and Savior, even as my friend, but did not? Perhaps, even if only by my silence when boldness escaped me.
    I pray for the Spirit to fill me so full I will over-flow into others lives
    Prayers for your day

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