My Pain Number Today
For Haibun Monday at dVerse Poets Pub we’re writing about communication. I decided to write about the frustration of communicating in a particular circumstance.
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People who have never experienced chronic pain don’t seem to understand why sometimes I just can’t do certain things. I know I look fine from the outside. I know I hide it pretty well most of the time. But it’s exhausting to try to live as if I had no pain. It’s difficult to know how to communicate the struggle. If I told you I was in pain every time I was in pain, you’d think I was a whiner or a broken record. So I don’t tell you, unless it’s really bad.
“What’s your pain number today?” I hate this question. I never know how to answer it. Ever. And how does what’s a 6 to me (based on 10 being the worst pain I’ve ever experienced) really communicate to a doctor how much pain I’m in? I want to answer, “Whatever number will cause you to do something to make it go away!” Because although today’s pain may not be the worst I’ve ever experienced, it’s bad enough that it brought me into this terrible, sterile, time-wasting environment in the hopes that you could help me.
“Describe your pain. Is it burning, stabbing, aching, sharp, or dull?” “Umm, yes. Can you make it go away now?”
Jesus knows my pain
Will wipe away ev’ry tear
When the Son shines bright
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I’m so sorry for your pain, Linda. I can understand that a number system is almost useless with different individual tolerance levels as well as the fact that some days our own tolerance is different than other days. Interesting how you wrote the haiku first….starting from a source of comfort. Hope you have better days soon.
Thank you for doing two haibun and such a good one! I hope this comment takes.. i checked back and my first one did not take. The poem at the end is such a hopeful and strong statement if faith. I have chronic pain as well so I can sympathize with “take it away!”.
I actually only wrote one haibun but got both of your comments. 🙂
My brain is buzzled today!
Chronic pain is horrible. I have it and so does my husband. On that 1-10 acale, when my doc asks, my answer is 50. Because it is his specialty, he doesn’t pooh-pooh me. I like that piem at thd end. What a happy hopeful statement. Thank you for doing two haibun. And such an amazing one too.
I’m sorry…I always hated that number rating tactic, too. I can never name it either. Thank you, for sharing this.
I am thankful I don’t experience this. I have known many who did/do, starting with my dad (since long before I was born).
I hope you will find relief from the pain soon. Your haibun shows how pain in others can be so misunderstood .
I know pain, but fortunately nothing chronic… But trying to explain it would make me crazy too.. And how often help is hard to get.
I hate numbers, in general. Especially when they are trying to define/quantify something as intangible as pain. I related well to this piece, and as usual, I LOVE your haiku.
ah…your haiku takes the prose piece to a lofty height….
I actually wrote the Haiku first. 🙂
Oh, Linda–I was a hospice nurse and now I, too, have chronic pain. And those questions just drive me crazy. How can we quantify pain? With the WWII generation, I had to learn to read their pain by body language–even my own (I was a war baby) we were taught not to complain, no matter what. Defining pain is so very subjective. What do we compare it to? I think I like the pictures with facial expression better than the numbers. And so we take it one day at a time and do what we can to ameliorate it so as to have good quality of life and not be so self-involved–pain has a way of doing that, heh?
The pain specialist I see now actually has a description attached to each number that I find helpful, but even that is subjective. It all makes me appreciate God’s promise to one day take away all pain and tears.
I would love to have a copy of that–I wonder if it’s on line.
We all share in some sort of pain, and there are so many kinds–but it’s only for awhile. Without pain, would we recognize the beauty that awaits us?
I posted it once at the Broken Believers site I sometimes contribute to. You can find it here: https://brokenbelievers.com/2012/01/15/whats-your-pain-number/
It must be awful to be in continual pain…whatever its number. And, I like the way you have expressed that the number IS inconsequential….constant pain whatever number would be very hard, and there should be some way for a doctor to deal with it (I would think!)
Thankfully there is. It took me years to find the right doctor and the help I needed. I just need to get the procedure scheduled as I’ve let it go too long.