Last Thursday at dVerse Poets Pub‘s Form For All Samuel Peralta taught us about the ghazal form of poetry. I wrote one for linking up there on Thursday and I liked the form so much I decided to write another. This one has 6 couplets, so it’s still not the ghazal sonnet that Samuel wrote about and gave an example of. My first version also has no set meter, but I decided to do a second version cutting it to have 8 syllables per line, trying for some semblance of meter. I suspect my meter still isn’t perfect, though, as I have a hard time with this concept. I can count syllables, but I know there is more to meter than that. The idea of stressed and non-stressed syllables simply escapes me.
I also didn’t end these with my name in the last line. Anyway, I would be interested to know which version readers think works better and why.
Upon the Cross – Version 1
Bloody and bruised, ringed by thorns
I gaze up to Your lovely face upon the cross
Forgiveness for mockers and spear wielder
to all the same Your grace upon the cross
There I should be, my punishment
Your mercy took my place upon the cross
Running, running fast to the finish line
but You already won the race upon the cross
I’m always two strides behind the lead
but You, for me, kept the pace upon the cross
My guilt and shame by love replaced
so that now there is no trace upon the cross
Upon the Cross – Version 2
Bloody and bruised, brow ringed by thorns
Your lovely face upon the cross
Forgiveness for the mockers
to all Your grace upon the cross
There I should be, my punishment
You took my place upon the cross
Running fast to the finish line
You won the race upon the cross
Always two strides behind the lead
but You keep pace upon the cross
My guilt and shame by love replaced
there is no trace upon the cross