I’m Fine?

At level 3 or 4 on the pain scale
you can ignore the pain

most of the time

Until it’s no longer a 4
but a 5 or a 6 instead

As I fight to ignore the neck pain
the referred arm pain
all the other little aches and pains

Living on Advil and Flexeril
with a heating pad around my neck

I hear the echo in my mind
—That doesn’t hurt
—You’re fine

I heard those phrases often as a child
they’ve become a part of me

Instead of hearing this refrain
in my mom’s voice or an aunt’s voice
it’s my own voice that insists it doesn’t hurt
that I’m fine

But it does hurt
I’m not fine
And ignoring the pain is exhausting

Thankfully my doctor gets it
Her assistant gets it
—Your 3 is probably someone else’s 8

Those are words that heal
Maybe not my body
It will never be fully healed

But my soul
And that incessant voice
telling me to just keep ignoring it

Because of them I am fine
knowing it’s okay to be not fine
And it’s okay to ask for help
to seek treatment

Then I can go on living my life
with a reprieve from the pain
and that annoying voice