Memories
Yesterday, Toni at Kanzen Sakura commented thanking me for writing two haibuns. I replied that I’d only written one. Apparently that’s because the second one was still in the works. So I’m posting this second haibun now for Haibun Monday at dVerse Poets Pub.
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Working on my memoir, giving in to the compulsion to communicate my story to whoever might need to read it, I decided I would have more success in actually getting the words on the page if I hand wrote. There is something about typing that makes me feel like it has to be perfect the first time, but handwriting builds in an automatic rewrite when I later type it up. So I rummage through my cloth basket of blank journals for just the right one. [This takes some time because there are probably 20 or more journals in that basket, evidence of another compulsion]. I find a 150-page spiral bound notebook with only 10 pages used up and decide that’s perfect. I peruse what’s been written and come across these words, written 18 ½ years ago:
It takes courage to write. Courage is not the same as fearlessness. Rather, courage is writing in spite of fear.
Just been reading “The Courage to Write” by Ralph Keyes. It got me thinking about writing a book about the effect being raped at the age of 14, while still a virgin, had on my life—the teen years, college, marriage, sex, life, thoughts, depression [although genetics had something to do with this as well].
I must be crazy. I can’t write such a book. Or rather I can, in that I’m sure I have enough material and could actually write it, but would I ever be willing to let anyone read it?
Crazy indeed. Yet here I am, almost two decades later, still compelled to write that book. Only now the story is complete. There is more than just the pain and suffering of trauma to tell; there is also the story of healing and redemption. Now there is courage.
Memories fester
Hidden on journal pages
Die and are reborn
Share this:
Coming in at the end of our Haibun Monday, but so glad I did. This has to be the most moving piece I have ever read of yours, Linda. I always appreciate the openness in your writing. It does take courage. Thank you for sharing your journey of healing with others. It can truly inspire.
Thank you. This is such an encouragement to me.
I think this is very strong.. and I love how you tied to it back to writing from your past.. the story has not changed, only the end… so it’s another story now.
Yes, and now I just need to get it written. There are pieces here and there on paper and in the computer. It’s a big project, but I will get it done.
I can’t imagine the courage it takes to write such a story, yet it no doubt will touch/heal others. Thank you for sharing this, Mish. That first paragraph–oh, I relate to that. The curse of perfectionism.
Oops–I mean Linda. You are a special gift. And Linda means beautiful.
I can’t imagine either, but I guess I’m going to find out. I will be relying on the courage of the Holy Spirit, no doubt.
Then you’ve nothing to fear.
It does indeed takes a courage to write ~ And even more courage to share it ~
The power of a testimony – “And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death.” (Revelation 12:10)