The Beginnings of a Poem
This is the beginning of a poem I’m sharing for Meeting the Bar at dVerse Poets Pub, following the Oulipo option from Anna. Playing with language and poetry rules, I’m writing a poem with the following self-imposed rules:
- It’s a Terza Rima with 26 stanzas plus the ending line
- It’s in the style of a Hebrew acrostic, like Psalm 119, so that each stanza begins with a successive letter of the alphabet—in this case, the English alphabet
- Each stanza begins with a name or characteristic of God
- Each line is 7 syllables, because 7 is the number of perfection
- The first line and the ending line end with the word “love” because God is love
Anyway, it’s not finished. It’s much more than a 48-hour project. But I wanted to share what I have so far, the first 7 stanzas, and get some feedback. One thing I can’t decide is whether to use “Thy, Thee, and Thou” throughout or the more modern “You and Your.” This version uses Thy, etc.
Oh, and it doesn’t have a title yet. Here it is.
Adonai, my Lord of love
How I long to see thy face
Alight on me, Holy Dove
Bread of Life, strength for the race
Thy Word, my faith sustain me
Resting, resting on Thy grace
Creator, who made the tree
Sun and moon, all life, mankind
Thou gave us but one decree
Deliverer, oh so kind
Even though I break Thy law
Giving sight when I am blind
Elohim, I kneel in awe
Before Thy majestic throne
In Thee is nary a flaw
Father, mercy Thou hast shown
To Thy undeserving child
Though to wander I am prone
Good Shepherd, meek and mild
Keep me in Thy safe lockup
Bring me back when I’m beguiled
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This is beautiful and I agree that the formal Thy, Thee, Thou suits your re-telling. Looking forward to more.
Wow . . .what a challenging poem to write, but it is beautiful! I like the Thy in it too . ..just seems to work good and sound right. God bless!
It has certainly got off to a good start! I think ‘thou’ and ‘thy’ more in keeping with the tine.
Sorry, I meant with the TONE.
I think that the psalms are especially beautiful, and you have captured the spirit here. I always that would be a good prompt.
The way you constrict and use all those restrictions make it come out the more beautiful..
I like the use of Thee, Thou, Thine. It’s very lovely.
This is a beautiful representation of your faith and relationship. Your diction adds reverence so I don’t think you need to switch to the modern you and your. Good luck with the rest, you’ve got good constraints to guide it!
You rock, Kruschke, you rock!
Thank you. I just want to glorify God and He gives me words to do so.