My Son Shine – Reduction
Son Shine
His smile
a thousand rays of sunshine
His laugh
a hundred birds singing
His dancing
a silly smile and laugh
His curiosity
a hundred cats
His temper
a howling hurricane
Sweet, silly, stubborn, bold
is he
The Meeting the Bar prompt at dVerse Poets Pub today offered choices. My initial thought was that the Oulipo option was perfect for the Terza Rima / Hebrew Acrostic I’m working on because I enjoy working with forms and combining them. And I may finish that in time to post to Mr. Linky for this prompt, but I may not. So I decided to take one of my older poems and respond to the Reduction option. The original poem titled “My Son Shine” is here if you want to compare.
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“His laugh
a hundred birds singing”
Beautiful words, as are they all.
Anna :o]
What a wonderful reduction and how cool to learn new things here with you! God bless you!
a laugh like hundred birds singing… oh i like that…sounds like a laugh that i wanna join in..
I really love reductions! Your original was sweet but bordering on too sentimental; this says the same things in a more striking way.
smiles. you love of your son shines through this…
i like that you include the temper because we can appreciate
all aspects of our child…even the more challenging…ha
Nicely done; you retained the tone of motherly love and clearly punctuated the most important parts.
Well, as a mother of two sons myself, you can imagine I enjoyed both the original and the reduced poem very much indeed! Delightful images – I think the newer, shorter version gives more space for the reader to fill in with their own experience and thoughts.
a loving observation 🙂
I enjoyed the singsong rhyme of the original and the strength of your reduction. They both work well. I think the reduction does allow the poem a depth of metaphor that the original precluded with its specificity. If you do the Terza Rima, I’ll visit again.
A thousand rays of sunshine, laughs, birds singing, silly dancing cats curiously howling like hurricanes are certainly symptoms of that thing named GOD…:)
This was actually about my son, but it fits the Son of God, too, doesn’t it? Peace, Linda
Yes m’am! in more ways than one.. smiles..as above so below.. again..:)
awe, love “His curiosity
a hundred cats” I think I’ve killed around 70 cats with my curiosity. smiles
But did satisfaction bring them all back?
Excellent. I like that each stanza shares a different characteristic up until the last stanza which summarizes & made me smile. And I like the form over all.
I like this reduction! the curiosity of a hundred cats….amazing line. This is a forceful poem without being pushy. I like this muchly.
so love ‘His laugh
a hundred birds singing’
Really enjoyed this reduction – filled with much love
Oh I love the curiosity of a thousand cats… but so many great images you create in this.. I like this a lot.
I like this simple but forceful poem, Linda. Hope you can finish yur other poem in time. The form sounds interesting.