I Fear No More

I was looking through one of my old journals today, reading some of the poetry I wrote long ago. Okay, it was in the mid-1990s, so not that long ago, but it seems an eternity. I read this poetry and am simply amazed at how God has changed me and my attitude since then. At that time, and for some time leading up to that, I was filled with fear and worry. I thought I would share some of those old poems. For those of you who know me now or who have read even a small part of this blog, you will see a stark difference between the woman I was and the woman I am now.

Words That Hide

Words are hiding in the ink
deep within my pen

Words are hiding in the dark
deep within my mind

I know they are there
because I see them when I try to sleep
They run around in circles
Playing their word games
And keeping me awake

But when the sun comes up
and I try to write them down
They hide again within my pen
and deep within my mind
In the dark within my mind

I know they want to come out and play
But they are afraid
At night in bed they feel safe
Playing in my mind

What will others think of them
If they play upon a page?
In lines and curves of black
Shining on the glaring white
It seems much safer just to hide
Within my pen
Within my mind
In the dark within my mind

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The me that no one knows
Writes poetry and prose

The me that people see
Writes briefs in legalese

The me that no one knows
Seeks counseling for my woes

The me that people see
Pretends I’m always pleased

There’s really only one of me
But different sides I reveal
Depending upon the circumstances
Or how I think I should feel

Oh, how God has changed me and taken away my fear! Now I do write poetry and prose on topics of interest to me and do not fear what others will think. Or if I do feel some fear, God gives me the courage to write anyway.

No longer to I pretend all is fine when it is not. But I also now know how to feel joy and happiness as well as sadness when it is warranted. God gave us a whole host of emotions. How I feel is no different from how others feel. The words about how I feel and what I believe no longer hide in my pen or in my mind.

I want to share one other poem that I wrote in 1996 about my son, who was 1 1/2 at the time. It is interesting how much the words I wrote about him then are still applicable today.  It was inspired, as I recall, by the fact that I used to sing him the song “You are my sunshine.”

My Son Shine

His smile is a thousand rays of sunshine
Shining brightly on a rainy day

His laugh is a hundred birds singing
Heralding the beauty of May

His dancing will make you smile and laugh
In its own very silly way

His curiosity rivals that of a hundred cats
You can see it clearly in his play

His temper is a howling hurricane
When he doesn’t get his own way

He is sweet and silly and stubborn and bold
He will be with us always I pray

Well, that’s enough poetry for one day. Maybe I’ll share more some other time.

I am just so grateful that God has given me the courage and strength to write this blog, to share the wonderful things He has done for me and the way He has changed me from the fearful woman I was once was to someone who is bold and ready to face the world with Jesus at my side. If you struggle with fear, cry out to Jesus to help you, to give you courage to be the person He has made you to be. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7.